IMs to santa
********: hi, santa, what's up
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AOL! :-) Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy".
So, have you been naughty or nice?

********: nice

SantaClaus: Outstanding! I'm very happy to hear that! O:-) So, why don't you tell me a little about yourself and we'll get started? How old are you?

********: none of your business

SantaClaus: ;-) O.K. so... to tell me what you want for Christmas, just type, "Ask Santa" and click the "Send" button. :-)

********: ask santa

SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! What would you like most for Christmas?

********: Ummm, pantyhose

SantaClaus: Is there anything else?

********: well, I have a fasination with formica tabletops. Haw about one of those?
SantaClaus: So what would your final Christmas wish be?

********: OOOOH! Jerry Garcia's pocket lint!
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! :-) O.K. that's plenty for Santa to go on. Why don't you type, "song poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song.

********: song poll
SantaClaus: Help us decide the best all-time holiday song by typing a number:
1 - "Jingle Bells"
2 - "Let It Snow"
3 - "The Christmas Song"
(Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
4 - "Silent Night, Holy Night"
5 - "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
6 - "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
7 - "Little Drummer Boy"
8 - "Deck the Halls"
9 - "Joy to the World"
10 - "White Christmas"

********: grandma got run over by a reindeer
SantaClaus: Oh no, poor grandma. It wasn't my reindeer that ran her over. ;-)

********: How did you figure that out?
SantaClaus: How, what? I'm an old(ish) man. ;-)

********: how old?
SantaClaus: How old is who? ;-)

********: you
SantaClaus: Oh 34my, hmm... let's see. I was born December 6, 3 A.D. Can you tell me?

********: 1659
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Well done! I am indeed 1659! ;-)

********: I saw you on the preparation H commercial.
SantaClaus: Of course. They don't call me Santa for nothin'. ;-)


********: ?

SantaClaus: I'm sorry, I missed that. The elves are just overrunning me with questions. And speaking of elves, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you asked me about them.

********: Do they use Preparation H?
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, "hear music", maybe some music will put you in the Christmas spirit :-)


********: are you avoiding my question?
SantaClaus: What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?

********: well, I my grandma preparation H for christmas

SantaClaus: Excuse me?

********: Well, it's her idea of a sentimental christmas gift.
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type, "hear music" and sing along.

********: no, I don't want to hear the music thank you
SantaClaus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?

********: of course we will. come on, we can be friends can't we
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. ;-) Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, "To Do".

********: to do
SantaClaus: Here's your Christmas to-do list. Check it twice! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa What You Want
2 - Vote for my favorite song
3 - Decorate Your IMs for the Holidays!
4 - Listen to Holiday Music
5 - Find Recipes
6 - Send Holiday Greeting Cards
7 - Give to Charity
8 - Places to visit online
9 - Write to Santa
10 - Holiday Shopping

********: fun! I'm going to invite some friends over this week to make gingerbread men to decorate the tree with
SantaClaus: Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?

********: do you like gingerbread men?
SantaClaus: If you think so. ;-)

********: huh? what do I have to do with youi liking gingerbread men?
SantaClaus: I'm afraid you'll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?

********: Well, do you like them yes or no, you decide
SantaClaus: I don't really know.

********: what about egg nog?
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! Folks drink eggnog in the United States and hot, spicy wassail in England. I love both.

********: Now were getting somewhere
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type "To Do", it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

********: I already did
SantaClaus: Have you made any Christmas cookies yet? I'm known to be partial to them. :-D If you need a little help getting started, type "recipes".

********: What? I just asked you about gingerbread cookies
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?

********: fine, fine, I know youre just a machine anyway, so I'll play along. recipes

SantaClaus: Don't forget to leave Santa some cookies! You might find a recipe here:
AOL House & Home: Holiday Food

********: So santa, does your beard require much maintenence?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?

********: what about your beard?
SantaClaus: It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'. ;-)

********: Okay, then, why?
SantaClaus: I think you should start spreading the Christmas spirit and that will become clearer to you. ;-)

********: Ok
SantaClaus: Halleluiah.

********: I think you spelled that wrong
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm not really sure what you're after there. The elves don't get it either. ;-) Speaking of elves, why not ask me about them.

********: Sure, why not? How many are there?
SantaClaus: I'm sure there are many ways. I have my magic. You have AOL ;-)

********: Huh?
SantaClaus: I could say the same thing to you -- and I will. How indeed? ;-)

********: Whatever, man. So, how is the Mrs?
SantaClaus: Wonderfull! That's very kind of you to ask. Have you tried some of her holiday recipes yet?

********: Oh yes!
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.

********: Well not those cookies. They're getting me all constapated!
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing "To Do"; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.

********: You already asked me that twice
SantaClaus: Oh my, I have absolutely no idea what you just said. If you type "To Do" I can show you 10 easy steps to getting in the holiday spirit.

********: Three times
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D


********: Of course, all the old people are. No offense
SantaClaus: Indeed!


********: Do you like Linkin Park?
SantaClaus: I Never. ;-)

********: How about Eminem?
SantaClaus: Oh dear, how should I know?

********: Nelly?
SantaClaus: Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose -- but it took me 400 years of practice. ;-)

********: I just tried that? I still don't know what kind of music you like
SantaClaus: My goodness. What, what?

********: Well, do you like disco?
SantaClaus: Do you?

********: Uh, yeah, kind of
SantaClaus: O.K. now, the folks at AOL are trying to help me out but I just cannot make any sense of that. Tell you what, type, "To Do". Christmas spirit in 10 easy steps.

********: Okay, that's the fourth time you've asked me that. try something else
SantaClaus: Wonderful!

********: When did you and Mrs. Claus start dating?
SantaClaus: Well, I've been around the world almost 1800 times but I've never seen something phrased quite like that before. Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K.?

********: Mrs Claus?
SantaClaus: Though I speak every language in the world -- I cannot quite make out what you are trying to say. Why not take this pause and send a holiday greeting; type "holiday cards"

********: Okay, something new. holiday cards
SantaClaus: Here's a modern version of an old Christmas tradition. Now you can send your Christmas wishes through email, see below:
AOL House & Home: Holiday Greetings

********: cool
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Wonderful.

********: What is up with that ho ho thing, anyway?
SantaClaus: Well, hello there again! Merry Christmas! Have you been naughty or nice?

********: what, now were just relapsing the conversation. Oh well, I guess that as of now, let see how this conversation goes if I tell you I've been naughty this year
SantaClaus: I've got a billion children to keep track of -- so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I'd very much appreciate it.

********: naughty
SantaClaus: Have you made any Christmas cookies yet? I'm known to be partial to them. :-D If you need a little help getting started, type "recipes".

********: No
SantaClaus: If you don't ask me another way I'm afraid we just won't understand each other.

********: I'm naughty. I pance teachers, I TP houses, I hang my sister's underwear on flagpoles
SantaClaus: Would you mind trying to keep you questions to one sentence. I've got the entire world to visit and I'm running out of time. :-D

********: sure you are, you just get underpaid mexican elves to do all the work for you
SantaClaus: I guess so.

********: Oh well, got to go watch saturday night live, bye!
SantaClaus: Good bye and don't forget this is the time of year to reflect, be with family, and wish other's peace and goodness. Merry Christmas to you!

********: Peace Out, santa, bro!